a polar bear's life...

tattoo again???

2011-07-25T12:54:00.000+08:00

hahaha.. the title speaks it all..
after getting my first one on lower back..
i feel like getting another on my leg...
hehehe..
but this one will not come as easy...
i will have to get something to get it..
hehehe..
not money.. and not revealing it here..
it's a secret..
anyhow, guess this is the so-called addiction you get once you start a tattoo..
people always say:"once you get one, you feel like getting another one"
teeheee... now i know it...
aiks..
so..
will have to get the first one first then i will get my tattoo...

p/s: something might happen but i guess.. i am waiting till i confirm it before i tell it out loud... hopefully this one also can success... something to do with the song 'empire state of mind'

*so much secret in one post* hahahaha... lol...

i love my room now...

2011-07-21T11:52:00.000+08:00

recently it is very hot in Toronto..

when i mean hot this time, it seriously is..

30 plus degree almost everyday in the afternoon and sometimes it might go until 38..

and i believe more to come..

but...

hehehehehe...

i am still wearing a sweater in my room...

hahaha..

seriously no jokes..

thanks to the awesome air cond which makes me shiver everytime i have a cold drink or some junks from the fridge...

awesome much eh...

hehehe..

everyone is complaining about the heat waves and i am still hibernating in my winter room...

oh yeah!! this is the good thing about 224 basement.. hahahaha..

now i love my house and room so much..

i dont have to suffer from the heat...

i wanna cry.... lol..

2011-07-19T09:58:00.000+08:00

i am feeling terribly down.... T.T
arrggghhh.. to personal to share it here....
god... i have test on friday..
but i dun have any mood for anything...
T.T
T.T

fever...

2011-07-17T04:40:00.000+08:00

i am sick for two days now.. T.T
blame the stupid cold room...

the facebook diseases.

2011-07-13T07:06:00.000+08:00

i guess some people are really desperate in showing the number of her friends in facebook..
recently i got a friend request from a girl which i dont know who is she..
as because she is a girl and have some mutual friends with me, so i thought she might be my junior in primary school.
so i accepted her request but i soon found out that in few weeks (or maybe few days) time, her number of friends increase faster than my weight (LOL?). ok just kidding..
the point is.. she just simply added anyone on facebook..
this is because i can see that a lot of wall posts that were being posted on her wall were things like "hi, thanks for the add.. mind to intro?" or "thanks for the add"
em.. well... personally.. i dont think that if is someone that i know added me and i will go and post on his or her wall telling them that thanks for the add..
as in like.. you know me and i know me.. of course we will add each other.. like duhhh???
and the funniest thing is.. there is one girl that wrote on her wall.
"hi, thanks for the add" and put in bracket she wrote (reply to my wall)..
hahahahahaha...
omiigod...
like seriously?? are u girls that desperate to want to let people know that a lot people will come and see your wall and stalk you??
ok.. maybe just personally i think that this is damn desperate..
well, i dont deny that last time i kinda have this kind of feeling especially when i just started using facebook..
you will hope that people will come and comment on your facebook or things like that..
in general, have interaction with you through facebook and interaction doesnt mean just facebook chat..
because that no one will know you just chat with who..
it is more like commenting and also posting on your wall..
this is especially disgusting and annoying on couples..
ok.. i know you guys just couple and stuff like that but you dont have to spam my wall with "i miss you so much" and then another reply "yea.. i miss you so much too" etc etc..
attention seekers..
you dont have to show the whole world you know..

another type of people i have problems with are people that constantly or more accurately excessively updating their facebook.. they will upload pictures of themselves every single day... and all the pictures will be from the same angle.. from above as according to the professional this will help to make your face look thinner.. then they will update their status every 30 minutes... it is ok if you keep posting statuses about your ex boyfriend and trying to tell them that how much you miss them and how much you want them back.. ok.. fine.. that i bear with you although it is already on my nerves.. but i will really feel like ripping your bone off when you write something bad about your own parents.. like what the hell is wrong with you??? ok.. i pity your parents who have a daughter that tell the whole world about how bad you all are despite the fact that you try your best to give them the best of everything.. i guess those kids dont deserve such a good parents..

another one.. is of course about the BERSIH that happened recently.. first of all, it is not wrong for you all to support.. but please dont try to come and tell me to support them just like you do... if you want to support that is your problem and it is my own choice whether to do the same or not.. i bear with you for all your videos and statuses about BERSIH. but if you so support them then why dont you go and join the rally instead of sitting at home in the air cond room trying to tell the whole world how much you support them by spamming on all your friends home page??? and then you try to say people who dont want to care about BERSIH and join you are ignorant people?? shut up!! at least i am ignorant but you are coward.. this is because you are now spending few hundreds thousands of malaysia government money and you are now trying to go against them who support you in your education.. you didnt join in the rally because you scare you might lose your sponsorship if you get caught.. aint that what you are thinking in you mind my friend?? you are being sponsored by government that you hate and wanna to go against off.. then why do you accept this scholarship in the first place if you hate malaysia government so much?? if you want to support them, then why dont you put your energy into doing something more practical like joining the rally?? i guess you have split personality that you dont even know they exist.. well, grow up.. and start to think before you do something.

and dont interrupt others life or calling them as ignorant when they just trying not to be a coward and two-faced people like you...

很伤心。

2011-06-09T13:45:00.000+08:00

6月23。一个可怕的日子。那天以后就只会剩下我一个人了。我不要。但我留也不是，让你走也不是。这真是一场恶梦，无尽地延伸。你不会留下，因为我们都知道一定不会成功，而且必须害怕三年。我不知道怎么是好。只好让眼泪留。

immature..

2011-04-20T01:09:00.000+08:00

girl, you are too young and immature.. you can do anything and write anything on your facebook.. but please not criticize your parents openly on facebook to public... it just show that you are really immature and do not appreciate what you have and you dont deserve all that.. first of all, you asked your parents to respect you before you respect them.. but girl, you know the logic but you dont apply it.. you want your parents to respect you before you respect them, then why not you start to respect them first before they respect you.. right?? girl... you are way too immature... like seriously.. i am fine with you updating your facebook for every 30 minutes.. that shows that you are lifeless.. but when you openly talk bad about your parents on facebook, you dont deserve a life.. they are the one who gave you everything you have now.. you are NO ONE without them.. dont think you are already big enough and can do whatever you want.. never ever hurt your parents.. they are the one that make you who you are today.. you will not even exist without them.. no use for whatever i said.. if you will just understand.. i am sad for your parents.. for having you this kind of child.. and worst of all... you are the only one they have... God bless you honey, i hope you will grow up during one fine day..

heh?

2011-04-17T22:49:00.000+08:00

well, she really have to update her fb status for every 30 minutes.. deng.. alright.. i will just stop viewing my fb.. watever.. dun care... lol... well well well... math exam tomorrow.. gotta work for it.. lol.. hmmm.. sien.. i wan to sleep.... =.=

sorry for the randomness...

it's all about lip dub.. =)

2011-04-10T08:50:00.000+08:00

ok.. it started when one of the uni in canada, UBC posted their recent lip dub on youtube.. and u of t being one of the one that dun wan to lose to them has decided to ask all the u of t-ians to come out and have a lip dub made too.. well, of course, we havent made ours. but here are some of the lip dub on other uni.. enjoy... =)

this is the one from Uvic..and the one below is from ubc.. there's also lip dub from queens'..

ENJOY... =)

Rant..

2011-04-07T16:14:00.000+08:00

I guess the exam stress is acting me which lead me to feel so impatient and got angry easily.. So my warning, I am going to rant thru a lot of random things that u might think oh, that bother u?? Hell yea.. And that is why I am writing it down here.. Lol.. Well.. Things to rant about..
First of all, dear one of my fb friend: do u know u are getting on my nerve for updating ur fb status every 30 minutes or so?? My bad.. I know.. U have the right to update.. So do I have my right here to complain.. Gosh.. Are u that lifeless?? Or are u thinking that being in taylor's lakeside campus is something that really need to be proud about?? U know?? Just because u can log on to ur bb7 and u are that fucking happy and u have to update about that?? U had to update about u are hungry for about three times in less than an hour?? Gosh?? U think my English is that bad till u have to tell me the same things for three times to make sure I understand about that?? Huh?? Swt.. Come on.. Get a life..
Second: that is this girl who posted on her fb, we need a button saying I dun give a damn on fb.. Dear xx, my advice, u dun show that u dun the a damn by clicking that.. When u dun give a damn.. U DUN.GIVE.A.DAMN!! then why u still need that button to tell them that u dun give a damn?? Get what I mean?? Just ignore them.. Fucking lol!!
Third, girls, I don't know about this.. Em.. Maybe u know what that mean.. Or maybe u dun know.. Hmm.. Sumtimes I know u are just trying to act cute.. But well, some pose or sign are Just too weird.. Imagine u are doing the sign of .. well, if u know what that means.. It's ok.. It means u do it on purpose.. But If u dun know what that mean, ppl like me will just end up laughing on how innocent and weird u look like with that sign in ur picture.. Darling, cause u dun look like a slut that will ask ppl to do that for u..

Well, it's good tho cause u let me laugh at ur innocence when looking at ur pictures which u show them with proud-ness.. Fuyooh..

Oh well, that's life..

Black Madonna

2011-03-02T14:44:00.000+08:00

I had just finished reading the last novel for my first year seminar course.. It is called the black Madonna by f.g. Raci.. It touches my heart so deep.. It is story about how an Italian woman who had her husband die recently and her children being more and more distant from her.. The small description if how the children impatiently answering questions from their mum from about the English series as their mum don't understand English makes me think of how I treated my mum always so impatiently.. The daughter, Maria had left their house to continue study in university of Toronto.. All the small details touched my heart so deeply as it is so true for me... I couldn't agree with it more.. It is not that I dine all those bad things to my mum but it is true that a lot teenagers are doing that to their parents.. I shed my tears when reading the story and I am glad that I am not like the two children of the black Madonna who are so regret about how they act and regret that they had never try to understand about their parents.. The writer is just too great and it is the very book that really make me feel like it is not merely a fiction.. It represent some part of my life... Anyhow, I am happy to have read 9 novels for this very course.. It is actually an Italian study and I really didn't regret for adding this course into my timetable although it has means so much workload of reading and endless essays for me.. Sorry for the weird English in this post, my emotion is so greatly being stirred up after reading this novel.. It is almost two now and I shall claim my he'd..

2011-02-28T01:35:00.000+08:00

心情不好，别跟我说话。

=(

2011-02-17T10:57:00.001+08:00

shits happen....
always...
rsm kills me..
thanks..

=。=

2011-02-17T03:22:00.000+08:00

等下考RSM。
星期五考ECONS。
两个字。
死定~
完蛋~
糟糕~

linkin park's concert..

2011-02-09T12:57:00.000+08:00

it is so tiring today... lol...
i had my psychology test today and i only slept for around 4 hours last night due to the extreme pressure from my test because i didnt finish my reading materials..
i even lost my appetite to eat..
damn.. then i went for my test at 10 and i am done pretty early tho..
because i dont know how to do...
hehehe..
fine..
then i went over to friend's house because i will be having lunch with friend and then night straight go out..
hehehe..
aiks...
and this is the best part...
i went for linkin park's concert.. =)
i got the ticket for free cause my friend bought it for me..
and it was totally awesome..
the crowd is so full and the few guys in front of my row even smoke weed..
god damn.. the smell make me feel so sick tho..
lol..
it was really fun and i recorded video from the concert..
and also picture..
that's all for today..
time to sleep..

我。。

2011-02-07T00:33:00.000+08:00

有些女生天生丽资，有些女生是后天弥补，但我两个都不是。
有些女生天生对交际很有一套，但我却往人群的反方向奔跑。
有些女生天生富裕，我却得全部靠自己。
我靠着对我梦想的坚持生活，
但有人说：二十，你对人生抱着伟大的梦想，
三十，你发现到梦想以旧是梦想，
四十，你学会把梦想收进冰箱。
五十，你学会安于现状，
六十，你很富有，心中富有。
哈哈，抱歉，这些都只是我捏造出来的假象。
爱情嘛，天下男人都一样。
有几个会真的只爱你一个一生一世。
这就是人生吧？

economics saved my marriage..

2011-02-06T12:28:00.000+08:00

this is an article found by one of my friends and i think it is kinda interesting to share it.. pretty true of most of the part.. for all the economics freaks or non-econs freaks, enjoy.. =)

To prove a point after a nasty argument—kitchen cabinets were again left open, words were exchanged—my husband sketched a graph plotting the recent state of our marriage. His point was that we were having more bad days than good, and that something was needed to remedy this. But his chart got me thinking: maybe I was actually looking at the remedy. Maybe the solution to our marital strife wasn’t to be found on the therapist’s couch, but in the hard language of empirical data.

As a business-news editor, I was already mired in news about housing bubbles, market noise, and incentives—which, oddly, seemed to have parallels at home. My relationship bubble had burst not long after I said “I do.” Were we insufficiently compatible—or just reacting to screwed-up incentives?

I realize this might sound nuts to some people. But I was convinced I was onto something, that the principles of economics—often fact-based and always pragmatic—could reveal the route to wedded bliss (or, in econ-speak, “utility”). So I picked up the phone and cold-called Gary Becker. This also might sound nuts. Gary Becker is one of the world’s most famous living economists. He’s won the Nobel Prize and the Presidential Medal of Freedom. But could he give relationship advice?

Indeed he could. He’s written a ton on the economics of the family and thinks about it in his own marriage. It’s why his wife does more of the housework, he said. Since his time, on a monetary scale, is more valuable than hers, he spends more of it working in his office and less in the kitchen. Lucky him.

Nearly four years later, I’ve had similar conversations with hundreds of economists, psychologists, and regular married folks in a journey that eventually became a book calledSpousonomics: Using Economics to Master Love, Marriage, and Dirty Dishes, written with my friend and fellow business journalist Jenny Anderson. This research, combined with experimenting on my own husband, has led me to recommend a few core principles for anyone looking to fix their marriage.

One key area is incentives, the things that motivate people. Mortgage deductions spur home purchases; salaries entice people to work. My husband’s incentive to close cabinets—avoid nagging—wasn’t exactly “perverse,” but it was backfiring. Turns out, there are better incentives. One is trust, which economists have found can be surprisingly motivating. In one example, people were more likely to donate blood if they weren’t paid than if they were. Who knew?

So I tried having a little faith in my guy. I stopped nagging. And one day I came home to find CLOSE ME signs taped inside our cabinets as reminders to himself.

Another lesson: 50/50 isn’t the best way to divide housework. We want an egalitarian marriage (and anything else would betray the feminist principles my mother taught me). But Adam Smith famously noted that efficiency is maximized when workers specialize. Today, I gladly pay all the bills, and my husband—mostly gladly—does all the sweeping and mopping.

The concept that’s had the most profound impact is loss aversion. Behavioral economists have shown that we hate to lose twice as much as we love to win, and when we sense we’re losing, we get irrational. Loss aversion has been partly blamed for Lehman Brothers’ failure to admit its losses early enough to save the company.

I’m vehemently averse to losing. But now I try to be aware of when I cross into loss-aversion mode during disagreements. Then I call a time-out. Sometimes that means going against the advice everyone gave me before I got married: never go to bed angry.

For what it’s worth, going to bed angry is a miracle cure. I stop escalating, get some sleep, and wake up with a clearer head. Nine times out of 10, the dispute gets resolved that morning. It’s called maximizing utility—or, in my house, living happily ever after.

shed a tear

2011-02-04T00:40:00.000+08:00

enjoy...

Updates..

2011-02-04T00:18:00.000+08:00

it's the first day of chinese new year.. and guess how i am spending my new year this year..

just past 12 yesterday when me and my dear roomie havent sleep, she wished me happy new year..

teeheee...

she is a canadian and she is awesome.. =)

i like her damn very much and she is really cool and vanessa, thanks for the wish.. =)

yea.. so.. that's for the night b4 cny which back home i used to pray and watch firecrackers..

watever..

hmm..

then i went to sleep which i am suppose to do some reading first.. hahaha...

well, i dun know why but my eyes hurts so i decided to just go and have rest..

and now it is the morning of cny..

woke up in the morning with the light peeps in..

hahaha..

yea... sunlight.. i am so glad to see the sun cause it has been a snowstorm yesterday....

hahaha... yea it is true.. snowstorm and st george u of t didnt close on that day while the other two campuses of u of t close... =(

sad case.. but anyway, woke up and i miss home really much.. huhuhu.. i really miss the time when on the first day of cny daddy will wake us up and we will start preparing our bfast together...

aint that awesome..

hahaha.. together.. that is what i like the most during cny...

and its like the first day of the year and everything seems so fresh..

watever.. i woke up and have some cheese and slide turkey with bread for bfast..

with coffee and yogurt..

lol..

hahaha.. and oh yea.. the whole lots purpose of me writing this is to introduce someone who i think is really cool..

go on Youtube and type Kevjumba or Jumbafund..

i am so amaze by this 20 years old asian kid (20 years old kid??) who grew up in US i guess and he is donating thousands of money each month for charity just by ppl viewing his video... i am so amaze as by his age he can already contribute to charity so much.. =)

do check him out.. he is so cool.. and his dad is really open and cool too.. do go check out his video which is called "Alpha Kenny Body"..

it is so funny and the other day i was watching it with my friend and my friend's reaction towards the video was EPIC....

hahaha.. dang...

so that is it..

i still have class later and assignment to hand in but thank god i finished my assignment the day b4 yesterday.. aint that pretty amazing??

haha..

jkg..

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR EVERYONE..

GONG XI FA CAI.. <3

心寒

2011-01-28T00:04:00.000+08:00

很讨厌现在的自己，
当初的一大堆的理想与计划，
都还只是理想与计划，
每天活在自己的小圈子里，
很想冲出去，
但却抛不下内心的害羞，懦弱与恐惧，
虚度着每一天。
虚度着那不是我想要的日子。
我没有成长，憎恨自己一无是处。
憎恨自己没有试着离开这圈子让我长大。
朋友也只是那几个。
沉闷的生活让我觉得很没意思。
日子就只有书本和把我跟现实推开的无聊电视剧。
每天数以千计的人走过我，但没人发现我。
我的存在与否也没人理会。
向往的不是这种生活。
但好像没试过改变自己，还是那老旧的我。
连我自己都厌倦了我自己。
生命就这样一天天的流失，而我，还是活在自己那让我透不过气的窄小圈子。
虽然不甘平凡，但我却没有改变过任何事情。
这就是我。
想到接下来的几年还是会这样都让我觉得无趣，
但很肯定的，我还是会是这样，不会有什么改变。
无聊，无趣，乏味，烦闷。
这些就是我的生活。
永远不会改变。
心寒~~

teeheee...

2011-01-24T02:04:00.000+08:00

things finally seem to clear up..
after all, i am satisfy with it...
ok... so now need to fully concentrate on my work d..
i have tonnes and tonnes of work that waiting me due to the procrastination and the "no mood to do work".
lol.. i have one whole chapter of math exercise awaiting me, with chapters of reading for psychology, and also 3 set of problem set for econs.. i need to burn up a lot of midnight oil d... cant just sleep away and didnt finish up my work..
cant do that to my new year resolution, which is to be more rajin...
lala..
hahah..
swt...
nyway, i got the result on friday which i was thinking no.. i dont think so i will get it today.. and suddenly it appears...
well, to kinda celebrate it, i bought myself some wine..
1) ice wine from canada..
2) red wine from france
3) some "girls' night out" cocktail..
the ice wine was so expensive partly due to the bottle which is hand painted.. and well, the test worth the money too...
the red wine i havent try so i dont know how...
and apparently my favourite among them three is the "girl's night out" cocktail...
it is something that really suits girl.. it is a cocktail with lemonade, grapefruit, pineapple and white wine...
it taste sweet without the usual burning sensation of alcohol.. it is just so smooth and after that you feel so refresh especially when it is icy cold.. the citrus smell also filled your mouth and you just cant stop drinking..
hehehe..
then yesterday i went for the green hornet starred by Jay Chou in AMC.. we bought the Imax with 3D ticket.. i would say that was awesome.. because with imax it is so clear with wider screen and the sound effects are just way too awesome..
the 3D effect too was way better than malaysia.. it is hard to describe and you have to try it out yourself...
their large coke was super large where the size of the cup was approximately the medium size popcorn in malaysia.. it is so huge that can make you obese...lol..
but well, for green hornet, there's no so much of 3D effect and so if you are watching the one without 3D will be fine...
saw so many awesome trailers that i said i am so gonna to watch them all..
for example Thor, The Fast 5, Mars need Mum and etc etc...
weee... all the 8 and 6 packs...
lol... watever.... let's start working harder for the academic too...
CNY is coming too...

wedding dress..

2011-01-23T04:58:00.000+08:00

after so long time, i am still crazy after him and also the very first song i heard from him.. <3

好怕。

2011-01-21T12:02:00.000+08:00

好想再看到照片上你那灿烂的笑容。
真的好害怕会只剩下我一个人在这里。

take care..

2011-01-21T09:20:00.000+08:00

the result that should out yesterday is not out yet till now..
i know it had torn your nerves into pieces..
it does the same thing to me too...
i dont know..
hopefully it is done tomorrow...
i dont know.
i am not prepare for any bad news..
but i just want it to be out so that it can lighten you up..
it has been so harsh for you...
and i really hope that you will take good care of yourself..
take care...
and continue praying..
God, please...

tomorrow...

2011-01-19T13:03:00.001+08:00

heart's pounding everytime i think of it..
hopefully i will know what's going on tomorrow...
*pray hard*

失落

2011-01-18T04:20:00.000+08:00

真的越想越怕。
都不懂结果会如何。
万一真的不被接受那该怎么办好？
好怕~
不懂接下来的日子会是如何？
这个周末都不懂会是在庆祝还是在伤心。
这几天感觉像一辈子。
只能不停的告诉自己要撑下去。
加油。
现在只能跟神说，保佑保佑~
拜托了。

again and again...

2011-01-16T10:25:00.000+08:00

i thought things are better now...
no.. for goodness sake...
things just seem to get worse...
till next week, till the result is out...
i will not be in good mood at all...
i really hope things will turn out in the good way..
it has been bad enough now...
it is torturing, it is cracking me into thousand pieces...
sometimes you slowly get better from the situation..
but the action from the people around you will just make things worse again...
i don't know what i can do now...
please let things be fine..
please let the petition get approved...
for goodness sake..
i don't know why...
but seriously...
it is slowly tearing me down....
i pray with all my heart things will be fine...
please God..
you have to help me this time...
please let things work out the correct way...
and please guide me through it..

弯腰拾起的尊严

2011-01-10T04:00:00.002+08:00

很久以前，一位挪威青年男子漂洋过海到了法国，他要报考著名的巴黎音乐学院。考试的时候，尽管他竭力将自己的水平发挥到最佳状态，但主考官还是没能录取他。
　　
　　身无分文的青年男子来到学院外不远处一条繁华的街道，勒紧裤带在一棵树下拉响了手中的琴。他拉了一曲又一曲，吸引了无数人驻足聆听。饥饿的青年男子最终捧起自己的琴盒，围观的人们，纷纷掏出钱来，放在了琴盒里。一个无赖鄙夷地将钱扔在青年男子的脚下。青年男子看了看无赖，弯下腰拾起地上的钱，递给无赖说：“先生，您的钱丢在了地上。”无赖接过钱，重新扔在青年男子的脚下，傲慢地说：“这钱已经是你的了，你必须收下！”青年男子再次看了看无赖，深深地对他鞠了个躬说：“先生，谢谢您的资助！刚才您掉了钱，我弯腰为您捡起。现在我的钱掉在了地上，麻烦您也为我捡起！”无赖被青年出乎意料的举动震撼了，最终捡起地上的钱放入青年男子的琴盒，然后灰溜溜地走了。
　　
　　围观的人群中有双眼睛一直默默关注着青年男子，他就是刚才的那位主考官。他将青年男子带回学院，最终录取了他。这位青年男子叫比尔撒丁，后来成为挪威小有名气的音乐家，他的代表作是《挺起你的胸膛》。
　　
　　当我们陷入生活最低谷的时候，有时会招致一些无端的蔑视；当我们处在为生存苦苦挣扎的关头，有时会遭遇肆意践踏你尊严的人。针锋相对的反抗是我们的本能，但往往会让那些缺知少德者更加变本加厉。我们不如以理智去应对，以一种宽容的心态去展示并维护我们的尊严。那时你会发现，任何邪恶在正义面前都将无法站稳脚跟。
　　
　　有的时候，弯下的是腰，但拾起来的，却是你无价的尊严！

人生没有过不去的坎

2011-01-10T03:56:00.002+08:00

人的承受能力，其实远远超过我们的想象，就像不到关键时刻，我们很少能认识到自己的潜力有多大。
　　
　　有这样一位农村妇女，她18岁的时候结婚，26岁赶上日本人侵略中国，在农村进行大扫荡，她不得不经常带着两个女儿一个儿子东躲西藏。村里很多人受不了这种暗无天日的折磨，想到了自尽，她得知后就会去劝：“别这样啊，没有过不去的坎，日本鬼子不会总这么猖狂的。”
　　
　　她终于熬到了把鬼子赶出中国的那一天，可是她的儿子却在那炮火连天的岁月里，由于缺医少药，又极度缺乏营养，因病夭折了。丈夫不吃不喝在床上躺了两天两夜，她流着泪对丈夫说：“咱们的命苦啊，不过再苦咱也得过啊，儿子没了，咱再生一个，人生没有过不去的坎。”
　　
　　刚刚生了儿子，丈夫因患水肿病离开了人世。在这个打击下，她很长时间都没回过神来，但最后还是挺过来了，她把三个未成年的孩子揽到自己怀里，说：“娘还在呢，有娘在，你们就别怕。”
　　
　　她含辛茹苦地把孩子一个个拉扯大了，生活也慢慢好转起来。两个女儿嫁了人，儿子也结了婚。她逢人便乐呵呵地说：“我说吧，没有过不去的坎，现在生活多好啊。”她年纪大了，不能下地干活，就在家纳鞋底，做衣服，缝缝补补。
　　
　　可是，上苍似乎并不眷顾这位一生坎坷的妇女，她在照看孙子时不小心摔断了腿，由于年纪太大做手术危险，就一直没有做手术，她每天只能躺在床上。儿女们都哭了，她却说：“哭什么，我还活着呢。”
　　
　　即便下不了床，她也没有怨天尤人，而是坐在炕上做针线活。她会织围巾，会绣花，会编手工艺品，左邻右舍的人都夸她手艺好，还来跟她学艺。
　　
　　她活到86岁，临终前，她对自己儿女们说：“都要好好过啊，没有过不去的坎。”
　　
　　人总是在遭遇一次重创之后，才会幡然醒悟，重新认识自己的坚强和坚忍。所以，无论你正在遭遇什么磨难，都不要一味抱怨上苍不公平，甚至从此一蹶不振。人生没有过不去的坎，只有过不去的人。

做个有“度”的女人

2011-01-10T03:53:00.002+08:00

加薪与升职，甚至成功与地位……如何去抉择？是不达目的不罢休？还是放开这些牵绊，轻轻松松无所求？在执著与放手之间，我们需要把握一个“度”。
　　
　　“度”是收放之间的那个结合点。俗话说：过犹不及，欲速则不达。在我的身边就有一位姓王的女同事，她在单位组织的一次乒乓球比赛中，由于发挥失常，没能拿上名次，所以非常懊恼。为了练好乒乓球，她便开始了漫长的“魔鬼式”训练，除了请专业教练指导外，还抓紧一切业余时间加班加点地练习，尤其是晚上六点到十一点这个时间段，她是雷打不动，准时到球场挥汗如雨，周六周日也不间断，她就这样突然像上紧了发条的时钟，咬着牙执著地练啊练啊，风雨无阻，她的球技的确也有了长足的进步，一年过去了，职工乒乓球比赛终于又一次拉开了帷幕，大家都认为她这次肯定能拿个好名次，她自己也认为应该如此，可谁成想，老天爷就是这么不公平，在比赛现场，由于她太想证明自己，太想取得好名次，结果由于心理压力过大而再次榜上无名。
　　
　　执著无罪，但要有“度”，就拿王女士来说吧，如果她能适度地放松自己的心情，把比赛看淡，把练球当成一种乐趣来享受，而不是为了单纯的拿名次，常年背着包袱来练球，那么她的这种执著将会使得她的球技和心态在收放自如间逐渐成熟，继而走向成功。
　　
　　不仅对待打球的心态需要“度”，在我们生活的方方面面都需要把握“度”。只是一味地执著追求，一味想达到目标，当这种执著演变成一种巨大的心理压力的时候，事情往往会适得其反，即便那时目标真的出现了，你也会由于心理压力过大而与之失之交臂。
　　
　　不知您是否看过马戏团里的空中飞人表演？表演者紧握秋千的把手，用优雅的动作摇摆她的身体。而就在她飞向另一个秋千时，她突然松开了手，有那么一秒钟的时间，她停留在空中，没有任何东西可以依附，观众都紧张得喘不过气来，然后，她轻松地迎向另一个秋千，及时将它抓住，这是一个极端体能方面的例子，它告诉我们这样一个事实：只有敢于放下某样东西，你才会创造出一些空间来接受另一半。大自然的一项基本原则就是，宇宙不喜欢空虚的状态，它会往它能找到的任何空间蔓延。
　　
　　人生旅途，得走好长好久，选择“且歌且行”，就能把枯燥的行程变得富有情趣，才能不失去生命中最珍贵的东西。
　　
　　而有些人恰恰却只“歌”而不“行”，也就是说，对待事情，采取完全放任、放手的态度，连尝试都懒得做，静等“天上掉馅饼”的美事。我们身边就有这样的女同事，上班不认真，得过且过，混一天算一天，下班就是上网聊天、玩游戏，要不就是三一群、俩一伙地打麻将消磨时光，然而每到年底评选先进个人时，她们却对此表现得异常关注，一旦落选，她们就会蹬鼻子瞪眼，满脸的不服气，她们只一味地关注结果，关注荣誉，而从来不注重积累的过程。
　　
　　生命是美丽的，无论何时何地都能散发出她的美妙与迷人之处，既然大自然恩赐于我们如此可贵的生命，我们就应该好好珍惜，而珍惜生命，就应该执著地生活，适度地放手，争取做个有“度”的女人！

sad sad....

2011-01-09T11:07:00.000+08:00

most of the first year students from malaysia had booked their ticket back to malaysia and they happily posted on fb status about when they going back and how they miss home... i miss home too... but i am not going back.. gonna stay here for summer course.. might take one full year course during summer so that i will be easier on my second year.... i dunno.. but i am so emo...... =( i want to go back too.. i miss home and everything there... seeing everyone get to go back but not me is really making me emo..... =(
miss you lots daddy and mummy..... <3 T.T
nowadays i had been really easy to break into tears.. it is because of the thing that just happen like few days ago.. i cried almost every morning i woke up.. and sometime before bed. that is the two time when i am very sensitive and emo.... i dont know.. i dont want this to continue.. i hope things can be settle soon.. T.T once thing have been settle... i think it will be better...
jia you, i can do all these...

GOAL SET...

2011-01-08T04:54:00.001+08:00

it is just the first week of new year...
i have been pulled down by troubles....
seriously...
i cried so much at the beginning of the year...
it has been so hard....
and sunday..
i am going to move back to my residence and start my classes again...
i really need to study so much much harder..
people who can get good result although they dont study..
i envy you..
you might be smart enough or lucky..
but i promise myself in this new year i am not going to act like you anymore...
no matter how hard i study and still cant get good grades like you..
i will study harder to and make sure i will get good grades....
i saw the consequences of failing in this university..
it is not that easy to be a scholar after all...
you have to meet the requirement set by university..
you have to meet the requirement set by your sponsorship unit...
it is not like high school when you can fail one or two subject and that dont really matter..
once you fail in one semester, you are risking yourself to be sent back to malaysia..
you are risking yourself in everything..
you also risk to let your parents down..
you risk yourself to lose everything you have now..
i know you might be smart and you dont have to do all the exercise and also study..
but you still can get good grades in your exam..
but i am not you..
and i will not act like you...
say whatever you want..
i see myself with my own eyes the troubles that people get into when they failed their one sem...
i am not going to risk that..
and with this..
I BELIEVE THAT WITH ALL THE HARD WORK AND PATIENCE, I WILL FOR SURE GET GOOD GRADES IN THESE 4 YEARS... I WILL WORK MY ASS OFF FOR THIS DESPITE ALL THE PRESSURE AND EVERYTHING.. AND I WILL MAKE SURE THAT ALL MY HARD WORK ARE BEING PAY OFF.. I WILL MAKE YOU PROUD OF ME...
i believe that we are not always that good luck.. and things will eventually pay off as long as you continue to work for it.... i will pray for myself.. bye...

please please please please....

2011-01-06T07:54:00.000+08:00

i really hope things could go back and you will do better...
i really hope there's something that i can help you..
i am sitting here so helplessly...
i really hope i can help you out...
i want to do something for you..
i hope things will go well....
I PRAY HARD THAT THINGS WILL GO REALLY WELL..

yaadiii yaadiii yaadaaa~~~

2011-01-06T03:11:00.001+08:00

lol.. the frequent update of my blog shows how bored i am...
some of the u of t-ians have started their class today..
we art-sci people still enjoying our holiday..
i told my friend...
"well, you see.. i started holiday earlier than you.. and i start class later than you.. hahaha"
and the reaction is..
kena punch..
hahaha...
well....
i am officially bored..
i wanna get back to my residence..
i wanna get back to class and sleep in class..
hahaha..
i found that the satisfaction that you got when you sleep in class is so much larger than you sleep comfortably in your room..
hahaha..
true story..
lol..
another punch....
LOL..
i wanna get back to classsssssssssssss.....
lol.....
when i start class..
i will want to have holiday....
5.5 subjects are not that easy..
last sem 5 subjects also wanna die d...
and now i declare myself dead...
watever it is...
still looking forward for something..
hopefully my roomie didnt ffk me about our plan..
*evil laugh*
but if that happen..
i am gonna be super busy on monday..
hahaha..
watever it is..
it is wat i like and what i looking forward to...
i am so broke..
and my friend told me that there's a crazy sale in body shop....
and the next thing that happen is..
i got my friend to go eaton with me today to go to body shop..
mummy..
i am so broke.. saving money to pay for my residence fee..
cant wait till this end of month when jpa masuk money again....
hahahaha..
lol..
oh yea.. the other day.. went to nathan philip to count down..
so many many people..
hahaha..
last year 1st of january i still thinking that next year this time i wont be here in malaysia anymore..
and that time i was thinking.. and now i am here in canada counting down in the cold air with so many people..
cigarette smell, weed smell, alcohol smell... ewwww...
luckily it is open air...
and the best thing is..
after count down..
we were on our way back..
when we were walking past some place, someone spilled/ puked beer on me and my friend..
lol..
the couple that follow us didnt got any but both of us got a lot on our winter jacket..
ewwwww~~~~
how sweat is that right?? to have people i-dunno-is-it-puke-or-spilled-beer on us just a few minutes after entering the new year.. hahahaha...
and the result is i have to bath after came back..
i cant lepak at my friend's place where we plan to spend the night watching movie..
and i have to send my winter jacket to laundry...
and because of that i cant go out now to body shop but have to wait till 5 pm till i collect my winter jacket from the damn laundry..
and because of that i am typing this lame post..
hahaha..
lol..
watever.. chao..
waitiing for time to pass..
=.=
and yea.. sorry to miss sunny.. i kinda missed all your econs tutorial last year.. tho i have nothing to do on tuesday.. i am sorry i didnt finish your problem sets and that's y i screw up my econs test this time... but but... well, the but doesnt mean that i am going for your tutorial.. but i am still going to skip your class this sem.... sorry.. cause tutorial clash with my psychology class.. i didnt go for your 50 minutes tutorial and end up signing up myself for the 3 hours straight lecturer.. hahaha.. =) i promise to finish up your problem sets this sem.. i will try my best to do... and score well in econs.. =) teeheeeee~~

Sad..

2011-01-05T14:16:00.001+08:00

Feeling so down.... Tears accompanying me now..

Holiday night..

2011-01-03T17:10:00.001+08:00

It's -5 degree outside.. And it feels like -11 due to the wind chill.. Sipping hot tea and biting the super huge chocolate chips cookie from hershey's, playing some really soothing songs from Khalil fong.. With a book in my hand.. Lazying around at the sofa.. Done with tea?? Got some Malibu and enjoy the tipsy feeling it offers.. That's how I spent my night just now.. Soon will be back to the hectic and stressful life.. Soon the night will be again spend in library.. Oh.. Whatever.. It's four in the morning now and I shall move on to Lala land.. night..

I really miss my parents and also my room.. Buu~~

2011-01-02T16:19:00.000+08:00

I love these two quotes.. It's so true..
再轰轰烈烈的爱侣，也不比平平淡淡的父母。
不是所有努力都会成功，但不努力，就一定不会成功。
Will take these two quotes as my quotes for 2011.
Especially the second one for me to hold on..
It's true..
Not all hard work will guide you to success,
But with no hard work,
You will never success..
With this, I can at least comfort myself,
At least I tried tho I failed.
And I am going to continue trying for this new year.
No matter what is the result,
I will keep holding on..
And one day..
It will pay off..
They might get good result without hard work..
They might just be lucky,
That's not the way for life.. Let's work hard to get what you want..
And depend solely on luck for success is always not a smart move..
And....
I MISS MUMMY AND DAD!!
I MISS HOME..
T.T

=.=

2010-12-31T07:07:00.000+08:00

have done with my first semester in University of Toronto. all i would say is the life here isnt as easy as i thought. i have been really depressed about my mark.. i was just talking to my friend about it like minutes ago.. and it seems like the pain is still there.. imagine you have been working so hard for something.. you worked like 2 weeks before the due for an assignment.. you did so many researches.. spending hours and hours in the library.. facing the computer and despite all the tiredness and frustration, you work and work and work.. but what you get is so so so so much lower than your friends that only do the night before due.. what you will feel?? i cried and cried and cried.. my senior told me that it might be because of different teacher assistant that marked... as different people have different definition of good.. that is the only thing that i can tell myself.. i cried like mad after i know the result.. and it is like the next day i still have another test.. the test before i know my mark for that assignment already killed me.. i read up so many times of the text.. i had great confidence about the test already.. but then the essay question that came out was about a movie that we watched the week before.. and the worst part is.. our lecturer didnt tell us that that might come out in the examination.. so a lot of us didnt really put much attention about it.. and it came out in the examination.. that already made me so sad.. then after handed in the test we got back our assignment which strike me again.. i got so much lower than i expect and those who didnt put in much effort got so much, i really mean so much, like 20 marks higher than mine.. so... i almost gave up on studying for the paper on the next day.. well... i did gave up.. i just like.. whatever.. i study so hard, try so hard on everything.. but i didnt get what i want, what i expect.. i really broke down that day.. i went to library after i got my mark.. sat in front of the computer.. then ran to the toilet and cried.. then called up my friend.. he said he is on his way to library.. then i went out of library.. outside temperature was like -1 degree.. but i sat there with just my sweater.. lol.. i know.. it is so stupid.. but no one can imagine how depressed i am that time.. i just sit there, blast music from my iphone and cry like some mad people.. i lost my mood to study for my next paper which is economic.. that is a very important subject as it will determine whether i got into rotman commerce next year.. i really got fed up with everything.. i am like.. fine.. haiz... my friend keep telling me that it is so common for u of t-ians to fail their first year. but i put in so much effort.. lol.. didnt get what i want.. haiz... now i told myself i have to put in so so much more effort in the second semester to make up for everything.. i have heard people that got 4 for cgpa and they got their scholarship.... i dunno can i even got 3 for that.... lol... that is really crazy... all the efforts seem like just being flush down into the toilet... this is life... it is never easy.. i will never be easy... no pain no gain.. no pain, no victory...

seriously.. next semester.. i really have to put in much more effort to make up my mark.. else i am gonna be so dead.. i dont want to be kick out from rotman.. they will kich out 20% of people each year.. you really have to be like top to make it through for the 4 years.. it aint easy.. it is hard..

and i should get myself more active in other stuff.. i dont want my university life is just about study, study and study.. i dont know.. so big ambition... but always cant get what i want.. lol... so that is basically about my first semester here.. to sum out everything.. one word... FAIL!!

back~

2010-12-29T14:44:00.002+08:00

lol.. it has been so long since my last post..
watever.. aiks..
ok...
hahaha..
have been holiday-ing for quite long now..
holiday.. done some things..
hmm..
went to royal ontario museum..
then...
went for TATTOO..
watever..
pain sial..
hahaha..
lol..
then went to toronto zoo..
then.....
cn tower...
lol..
tomorrow...
em..
niagara falls...
more coming up..
time to sleep now..
lalalal..
goodnight..
<3

iphone..

2010-09-04T10:04:00.000+08:00

before i update anything about toronto.. there is one very important announcement...
ME GOT MY IPHONE 4 d!!!!!!
wakakaka..

last post in malaysia

2010-08-31T10:20:00.000+08:00

waaaa... tomorrow is the day!!!!!
lol..
aiks... done packing d..
and i almost forget about my stupid doggie...
T.T
luckily still manage to catch you and dump you into my luggage..
you will be in canada too for four years..
oopss..
i think you didnt have your visa and passport!!
lol..
enuff crap..
happy independent day malaysia..
<3

i believe i can fly~~~~ =.=

2010-08-28T23:32:00.000+08:00

the date is officially set..
it is going to be on the 1st of september..
8 persons will be going to toronto via hong kong in the same flight and i am the oni girl..
lol..
swt enough cause i thought at least will have few friends that are going to be in the same plane..
lol..
aiks.
nvm..
and i had been a good girl today cause i edy start packing..
lol...
most of the things are in d..
except for clothes la..
my senior (my gor) just told me that it is quite cold over there now..
lol..
as in 10 plus degree..
so he want me not to forget my sweater in my hand carry bag..
i havent weight my luggageS..
yea.. i am having 2 big luggages and this seems a little funny and weird..
how are you going to pull 2 luggage at the same time leh??
that is why i am praying so hard that maybe my gor will come and help then at least thing will be much more easier..
but he seems so reluctant la..
lol..
but he manage to help me to contact those seniors telling them that we will be reaching on 1st sept toronto's time..
i am starting to get a little nervous now..
seriously..
how are things gonna be like over there??
i left house twice but this time seems to be more.. em...
i dunno what is the words...
aiks..
ok.. mum's planning to go jogging tomorrow..
i wonder if i can wake up..
*yawn*

camera..

2010-08-26T20:44:00.002+08:00

panasonic lumix fh20 is now mine...
weeee..
a big thanks to you-know-who for what you have done.. =)

flight date.. =(

2010-08-25T23:08:00.000+08:00

i was told the date will be 3rd...
i am already sad cause it is so early..
so i plan as much time as possible to do what i want..
but then..
they just like to push everything forward again and again..
at first 31st, 1st, or 2nd..
now even worse..
30th, 31st, or 1st..
seriously i dun want to leave early..
i dont want dont want dont want..
how now??
i am emo..
i dun want to leave so early..
do they know that a day means a lot for me??
EMO..
=(
T.T
X.X

how if i miss you too much by then?? how if distance and time really create gap between us which slowly means the end of it? i know i should just let it flow and i know that if it doesnt mean to be yours then it will eventually go away no matter how hard it is and how hurtful it is.. but forgive me for falling so hard for you.. sometimes i just feel like this goodbye might means forever.. i already start to think that if something bad happen, i will probably blame myself for going so far away for so long.. i know i cant blame you for anything.. 4 years are just a bit too long for me.. i couldnt help myself but be very sad.. i dun want to leave you.. still, i can do nothing and just leave it to God.. both of us believe that God had already set what is going to happen and we shall just let it flow.. i seriously can do nothing now and the feeling of helplessness is slowly engulfing me.. just do let me know if things really turn bad between us.. dont make me suffer from not knowing what is happening and has to guess wat is going to happen.. no matter what it is.. i shall just enjoy now as i still have you.. 4 years are really very long.. and i cant imagine what will happen when the day i step my feet into malaysia again.. by that time, will i be very happy and cant wait to kiss you on your forehead or i will just be going home with all our memories playing in my mind.. forgive me for being so negative, i lost my loved one twice before and i just so scare to feel it again.. till then, i just have to keep telling myself
"LET IT FLOW. GOD HAD ALREADY PLANNED EVERYTHING AND JUST BELIEVE IN HIM"
I LOVE YOU DEAR...

relationship..

2010-08-25T14:18:00.001+08:00

This is a very good article. Those who are still single may learn something from here...
Those who are already married may take it as a guideline to improve your marriage & relationship ...

DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?

During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?'
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?'
In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?'

Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.

Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse/partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their
idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).

Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to
DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU.

People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept off my feet.' Think about the imagery of that __expression.
It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened
TO YOU.

Falling in love is easy. It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's
idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts.

The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will
notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?' And as you and your spouse reflect on the
euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.

Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious. But sometimes people turn to work,
a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.

But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.
You could.

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):

THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVERjust happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression 'the labor of love.'
Because it takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it takes WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.

Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.

Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship
WILL make your marriage stronger. It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make'
love.

Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.
Remember always this:

'God determines who walks into your life.It is up to you to decide who you let to walk away,who you let to stay, and who you refuse to let go.

harvey norman..

2010-08-23T11:38:00.000+08:00

went harvey norman yesterday and spent 200 plus bucks there..

hahaha.

lol..

here is the list of things that i bought yesterday..

1) one wireless white and black mouse from microsoft 4000 -RM69..

2) one green and white in ear design earphone from a4tech -RM35

3) one green ichat earphone from a4tech -RM29

4) one blacky webcam with 5 mp from a4tech- RM99

there come the total of RM232..

wakaka..

lol..

cause i dun wan to get one bulky headset as it will take up a lot of space though in one headset it comes with mic also but it is not convenient to bring.. imagine you want to bring it to uni's library maybe you want to have some songs when you are doing your assignment and that headset will for sure kill a lot of space in my bag.. that is the reason why i just get one in ear design earphone..

one thing good about it is you can on with a very low volume although the environment is kinda noisy and all..

but due to those normal earphone dont come with mic then i have to get another those earphone that come with mic.. lol...

hahah...

swt..

how nice if they got something like the phone earphone..

that is equip with mic..

then i can kill many many mosquitoes with one hands.

=.=

till now satisfy with the earphone and my mouse..

the other two havent try yet..

wanna get my camera also but they dun have silver colour..

aiks..

getting lumix fh20 which is around RM849 i guess if no changes..

with 8 gb memories, 14mp, 8x zoom and 28mm lens.. lol...

should be no changes d la..

lol..

just wait for the fellow to call me then i can go and get my camera d..

wee..

so..

i am going to spend around 1k at harvey norman..

=.=!!!!!!

outings..

2010-08-19T18:46:00.001+08:00

went out with two of my besties this week.. and another one soon to come..
heheh..
went out with BY on tuesday to pyramid..
hehehe..
first time to go out with her i guess..
hehehe...
then nothing much tho.. just lots lots of talking and sharing stories..
had known her since standard one..
that y got a bit a lot of things to talk.
wee..
then went cheong k with her also..
haha..
then went out today with LT to pyramid again..
hehe..
has been quite long since the last time i saw her..
lol..
then lots of sharing stories also..
and watched movie with her..
hehehe..
movie is nice..
and so did the meeting session with her..
happy to see both of them..
and i hope can see another kawan of mine tomorrow..
=)

*thanks to BY for fetching me back and all the shocking and awesome stories..
*thanks to LT for the secret recipe's cake, love letter and also the prezzie.. i will bring it to canada with me..

too free....

2010-08-13T21:04:00.000+08:00

hey, suddenly have the thought of it is really less than one month then i will be leaving..
hahahaha... well, to be honest..
i couldnt feel that feeling yet..
it seems like this holiday is gonna be forever...
and it feels like i am not going anywhere..
well, seriously..
sometimes when i see things around and suddenly have the thought of i am soon gonna leave all of them for couple of months is kinda sad..
lol....
preparation is not done yet..
havent get my luggages... lol..
some of my frens are flying next week.. they are going to McGill..
whoa...
it is like i think the best uni in canada..
all the best for them..

lol...
everytime when my player play the song "love game" by lady gaga, i always thought it is from my phone..
hahaha.. that also happened when i watched chuck today... gaga...

the ups and the downs...

2010-08-08T11:17:00.001+08:00

looking back at some of the pictures that we took in college...
and now i know how much i miss all of them..
hmm...
but lets proudly tell everyone that i am having my uni life soon....
yeah!!!! as in less than one month time in toronto, canada (university of toronto, canada)..
weeee....
excited???
of course...
cant wait??
not really that much..
hopefully i can check out my specs, shade and camera today..
last week kena con d...
damn it...
and also need to get a luggage..
well, that if i found a nice one la..
hehehe..
have been thinking a lot about my new life there and i hope it will be a good one..
but well, life always has its ups and downs and that is what make a life life..
lol...
4 years and i hope i can create miracleS out of it..
(notice the big S?? i know i am greedy..)

nyway, here is one small part that i want to dedicate to my precious friend maggie...
8th of august 1992... a new life is being sent here to bring smile to all the people around her..
8th of august 2010... a precious life is being sent back to Heavens..
to my dear friend, maggie...
it may be tough for you but i know you can do it..
my deepest condolence for you and your family for your lost of your dearest brother...
may your brother rest in peace....
the whole gang of us will have your back...
take care friend...

timetable yg banyak tak balance..

2010-08-05T11:50:00.000+08:00

	Monday	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday
9:00
10:00
11:00
12:00	ECO100Y1 Y LEC 0201 12:00-1:00 BT 101		ECO100Y1 Y LEC 0201 12:00-1:00 BT 101		ECO100Y1 Y LEC 0201 12:00-1:00 BT 101
1:00	MAT133Y1 Y LEC 0101 1:00-2:00 MC 102		MAT133Y1 Y LEC 0101 1:00-3:00 MC 102
2:00	RSM100Y1 Y TUT 0101 2:00-4:00 TBA		MAT133Y1 Y LEC 0101 1:00-3:00 MC 102
3:00	RSM100Y1 Y TUT 0101 2:00-4:00 TBA
4:00
5:00	MAT133Y1 Y TUT 5101 5:00-6:00 TBA			RLG100Y1 Y LEC 5101 5:00-6:00 BA 1160
6:00			RSM100Y1 Y LEC 5101 6:00-8:00 OI G162	RLG100Y1 Y LEC 5101 6:00-8:00 BA 1160
7:00			RSM100Y1 Y LEC 5101 6:00-8:00 OI G162	RLG100Y1 Y LEC 5101 6:00-8:00 BA 1160

You can view a map of your classes located on the UofT Campus.

monday: econs 12-1
   calculus 1-2
   management tutorial 2-4
   calculus tutorial 5-6
tuesday: no class?? (now oni i know)
wednesday: econs 12-1
   calculus 1-3
   management 6-8
thursday: religion 5-8
friday: econs: 12-1

hope that now i can get my french class for this fall as i am in the waiting list.... please let me in... seriously need it man.. n will be having psychology class for the spring sem...

=.=

2010-08-05T11:33:00.000+08:00

woke up today morning and found out that i am having so much difficulties in swallowing things..
lol..
sore throat...
maybe due to the throw ups that is caused by food poisoning..
still having some stomachache sometime..
well, in less than one month time i will be flying off to nowhere d..
lol..
hmm.. sometimes i found myself being so sensitive..
as will be jealous or emo about some small matter..
lol..
well, swt..
just hope that life in notime at nowhere will be fine. lol..

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams"

let's share...

2010-08-04T12:56:00.002+08:00

Most of us are guilty of fashion no-nos. But certain style choices irk the opposite sex. If you ask enough people, you'll see that men come up with the same complaints about women. And vice versa.

So why do we keep doing it? Why do we cake on makeup if we know men like the natural look? Why do men insist on wearing that baseball cap like it's permanently sewn to their scalp? Just sayin'.

Even though you'd think we dress to impress the opposite sex, it is often not the case, says fashion expert Karen Palmer, the editor of Daily Candy San Francisco, an online style guide.

"Women tend to dress for other women a lot of times," Palmer says. "And men tend to veer more toward comfort, or stick to one thing that works, like the khakis and button-down they've been wearing since college."

Makes sense. In general, women are the ones poring over fashion magazines or obsessing over which colour shone among the red carpet Oscar dresses.

"When there's a certain trend, whether it's leggings or high-waist shorts, other women are more likely to notice or compliment the style," Palmer says.

Since men dress for practicality, some of the things women do, like bar-hop in five-inch heels, perplexes them.

"I do see where guys might scratch their heads at why we wear stilettos or put on makeup before the gym," she says. "Men are justified sometimes."

There is plenty that confuses Joey Combs, of Danville, California, about what women wear. He says he's particularly bewildered when he's in a bar and notices that the largest woman is showing more skin than all of her thinner friends.

"You'd look more attractive and be more approachable if you'd just wear what's most comfortable for you," says Combs, 21. "And if you look like you feel more comfortable in your own skin, you're going to be more confident."

He doesn't like how some girls try too hard, he says. That includes overdoing the jewelry or sporting loud hosiery.

An appealing, feminine look is "a nice dress, matching earrings, and some shoes," Combs says. "Not too formal. Even a T-shirt and jeans. I don't like big hoop earrings, especially with stilettos. It reminds me of prostitutes in '80s cop movies. Oh, and tons of makeup. I hate that."

Ready for more, ladies? Just as we complain that guys can take the comfy, baggy look too far, they don't like it when we go out in ill-fitting sweats, either. Yes, that includes your Juicy velour.

"It's a cross between a track suit and a bathrobe," Combs says. "They'll wear it with Ugg boots, and that's their outfit for the day. You look like you just got out of bed."

But Combs is no hypocrite. When he goes out, the Chico State University senior leaves the sweats and beat-up sneakers at home. He admits he dresses for women.

"I know at one point, I'll run into girls," he says. "So I want to be prepared." That means a nice polo or dress shirt, his best Rock and Republic jeans, and the newer pair of his grey Vans. "I have one for class and one for going out."

Jesse Smith, 32, of Oakland, California, dresses for comfort, but he "pulls out all the stops" for his girlfriend, Sevon Canerie. Tailored suit. Cufflinks, if the occasion fits.

When asked if there's anything about women's style choices that confuse or bewilder Smith, he pointed to his girlfriend's bangs, a high, stiff pompadour often worn by Rihanna and Gwen Stefani.

"That curlicue thing," he says. "I don't get that."

What Not to Wear

Ask men and women what they don't like about the opposite sex's attire, and they'll go on. And on. The following partial list is culled from fashion experts and novices alike.

Women don't like it when men wear:

Velcro sandals with socks

Pants slung so low they reveal underwear

An undershirt as a regular shirt

Too much product in their hair

Baseball caps for all occasions

Men don't like it when women wear:

Baggy clothes, like big jeans and flannels

Too many accessories at once

Patterned hosiery

Hoop earrings

Stilettos, if they're going to complicate an evening

Makeup so thick it looks caked on

laziness..

2010-07-21T11:45:00.000+08:00

everyday you wake up and find out that you will be having the same boring day again and you start to think what to do...
then you find out that you have to fill the borang keselamatan and get it sign by the high school..
then you know you have to decide what subjects to take next year..
you sit infront of the lappie for hours..
but you just didnt log in to the website to do what is needed..
whatever...
i hate it..
FUCK..

emo+piss

2010-07-19T20:14:00.000+08:00

ok..
fine..
whatever..
lol...
what so ever..
what the fuck???!!!!

plan failed~~

2010-07-19T10:30:00.000+08:00

i woke up early this morning..
thought of wanna go to Ampang to submit my passport to HCC to finalize my visa..
but when i was having my breakfast, it started to rain a little..
as i am taking public transport and need to be on my feet when i am at there,
i figure out that it will not be a good time to go there during raining time..
this is because i dun want to get wet..
therefore, i decide not to go and postpone it till tomorrow..
just after i had this thought, the rain stop..
but i already have no mood to rush everything and go there again..
as i need to be there quite early so that i can get my thing done before 11.30.
or else i will have to wait until 1.30 which means i will have nothing to do for 2 hours..
that is the reason why i want to go there early..
and the weather then turn out not only fine..
but perfect to go out as it is not sunny nor rainy..
it is the best day to go..
fine..
i am going there TOMORROW!!!

a bad habit of mine

2010-07-18T23:36:00.000+08:00

it is a bad habit..
that i have been engaging myself in it for the couple of days..
i dunno when it starts but it has become a routine of mine before i go to bed everyday..
the dose of it have been increasing each time, each day..
until i can feel the faster each time it take effect..
each time faster my heart beat..
each time faster my face get red..
each time faster the whole body get heat-ty..
each time faster i get the feeling again..
i just love the way how i need to take in deep breath after it..
i love the way how i could get my sleep after it...
i love the feeling how i could get after it..
but somehow i feel it is burning in my body..
it is accelerating my heartbeat..
the little bit discomfort i get after it..
i know it is not a good thing..
i told myself it will help me to sleep..
i know it is just a lie.. just an unreasonable reason..
i know it should not be the way..
it does help me to sleep..
as i find myself getting harder to have a good sleeping time each day..
i know it is not a good habit..
i will find a day to get rid of it..
i am getting immune to it..
each time i have to increase a little more dose so that i will getting the feel..
i am not getting rashes anymore..
i have to tell myself i need to stop before i engage myself too much in it..
i tell myself i need to stop..
that's it..

timetable

2010-07-17T18:25:00.000+08:00

OMG....
never in my life i have been so confused before..
i am having great trouble in figuring out what subjects to take and also course enrollment..
lol... and someone just had his surgery which make me so worry about him..
aiks...
hope he will recover soon..
let's continue to figure out about my timetable...

starbuck

2010-07-14T17:53:00.000+08:00

i seriously miss my tumbler..
lol....
starbuck....
lol...
and i couldnt find a picture of it..
what the...

updates..

2010-07-08T17:44:00.001+08:00

well, some updates for now..
have done with my visa application medical check up..
which i went there alone successfully.. LOL!!!
and also done with my jpa medical check up..
lol..
mantoux test left a red dot on my left arm..
and the blood test leave one patch of blue black on my left arm..
ouch*
well, not that pain though...
haha..
swt... ok...
i am being woke up by a call this morning..
and it was from JPA..
lol..
cik amalia called to know that when is my orientation date so that she can book my flight ticket..
but the thing is..
i find through all the documents that university of toronto sent me but what they mentioned is just that orientation will be starting on early september with no exact date..
oh my god...
so how am i going to tell her so that she can book the flight ticket for me..
so i told her that i will get back to her after i figure it out..
but well, one day has passed and i still have no idea about my orientation..
those engineering students are having their orientation on the 7th of september..
perhaps rotman commerce students will have the same as them??
lol...
i am thinking..
i has passed everything in ICPU, passed my IELTS, medical check up, visa is in progress and will i not be able to fly just because i couldnt figure out when is my orientation date and they cant book my flight ticket???
lol...
adui...
another problem..
timetable.. as in enrol for my course..
i dunno what subject to take as i only know that they core subjects will be intro to management, intro to econ, and also calculus and linear algebra for commerce..
lol..
but if not wrong i need 4 credits but now seniors are dumping me with info like breadth requirements or wat so ever which i have zero clues about it..
some is a half course but some is a full course..
i will need to consider about all these before i could figure out what subject will be appearing on my timetable which i have to endure for the next whole year...
i am praying that i could make it nice so that i will not need to attain classes at some weird time like when people are leaving then only i wanna go for class..
aiks..
next... housing.. they didnt confirm with me what room am i getting and how much i need to pay for that..
lol..
and then 28th july i will need to meet with JPA so that i can claim my money which i had used to apply for university and also getting my allowance..
hmm.. but the thing is the meeting is on wednesday and it is in putrajaya which is a place that is very not convenient as it cant be reach by public transport..
i was thinking is it the place that we went for interview that time..
oh gosh..
mummy was thinking of getting taxi as that will be the easiest way for me..
lol..
ok.. now i need to dig out all my resit so that i can claim my money..
but i have no ideas where is everything.
that show how organize i am..
lol..
swt....
basically, besides thinking of all these.. i am pretty free at home everyday..
rotting.. that's life...
@.#

sleep...

2010-07-04T13:32:00.000+08:00

i am fine with not getting enough sleep..

as i experienced that a lots..

but i hate i got tonnes of time to sleep but i cant get a good sleep..

that is what exactly i am experiencing after CPU..

lol..

after all the busy busy life of college, assignments and friends,

i graduated for my diploma and that means that i am having my free time and holidays now..

yet there come the problems..

i cant get a good sleep all these while..

have been getting weird dreams or just cant sleep..

lol..

dreams are haunting me..

lol..

sleep and getting up middle of the night having difficulties to get back to sleep again..

sometimes feeling so exhausted physically yet the brain activities just couldnt slow down till i cant sleep though i am so tired..

lol..

that is why sometimes i get something to help me to bed..

lol..

sometimes getting overdose of it at least make me have a better sleep..

hmmm...

lol..

i miss the times when my brain straight shut down and the eyes couldnt open anymore once my head touches the pillow..

no second thoughts or anything but straight sleep till the next morning when the alarm gets me out from my bed..

sometimes (or most of the times didnt get enought sleep but i am happy with my life)

lol...

that is why i want my holidays to come to an end fast..

but that also means that i am leaving and there is someone and something that i hope i can put into my luggage and bring them along with me..

praying hard that my new life over there will be a pleasant and exciting one..

pray even harder so that i will have a good sleep tonight...

tomorrow will be the day to move my butt to hcc and also to do the medical check up..

hope things will be fine..

跨过生命线

2010-06-28T19:51:00.002+08:00

男孩是个水手，他的梦想是在大海之中。女孩曾经遭受过海难，得了惧水症，不敢见到水。后来他们结婚了，带上戒指的时候，女孩在那处最接近海边，却刚好看不到海的地方用沙垒起了一条线，说：“这个叫生命线，我是不会跨过的。”

男孩的生命在海中，他总是出海，一次又一次，经历着风浪的吹洗，每一次，女孩都总是站在生命线处等着他回来，每一天都一样。男孩很爱海，可是只要在女孩的面前，从来没有提起过半个“海”字。女孩很怕海，可是却也从来没有阻止过男孩下海，因为，那是他的梦想。

那一天，男孩的船队遇上了风浪。获救的时候，全船只有几个人回来了，其中包括男孩。他在医院昏迷了七天七夜，女孩就在他身边守了七天七夜，几乎连眼睛也没有眨过。终于，男孩醒了，女孩只说了一句：“欢迎回来。”便倒下去睡着了。

当女孩醒来的时候，男孩又出海了，只是身边多了一张字条：“为了你，我不会死。”女孩笑了，又跑去生命线，继续等他。

在那之后，男孩遇到了很多次大风浪，有一次甚至整条船沉了下去，所有人都遇难了，可男孩居然游了回来，他一直没有昏迷，一直到在生命线的地方见到女孩，他笑着说：“我回来了，没骗你吧？”才晕了过去。女孩一边笑，一边哭，忙把男孩送去了医院。男孩从没忘记与女孩的约定，因为每一次，无论遇到任何的事，他总会回到生命线的地方，对女孩说一句：“我回来了，没骗你吧？”女孩每一次，也会在生命线处等待着，直到对男孩说一声：“欢迎回来。”

直到最后一次，男孩在海中飘了十多个日夜，没有了食物，没有了淡水，又遇上风暴，可是，他还是撑住了，在看到女孩的刹那，轻轻地说：“我回来了，没骗你吧？” 才咽下了最后一口气。女孩哭了，抱着他的身体，轻轻说：“欢迎回来。”

那一天，有很多人来给男孩送行，大家都了很多话，可是女孩一句也没听进去。就在葬礼结束的时候，女孩突然冲出去，抢过男孩的骨灰盒就跑。人们追呀，追呀。追着女孩一直跑过了生命线，女孩却猛地跳入了深海之中……

突然发现，海，并不可怕。蓝色的海，好美，好美，只因为，有他的味道……

101..

2010-06-28T19:40:00.002+08:00

1.对自己好点，因为一辈子不长；对身边的人好点，因为下辈子不一定能够遇见！
2.对不起是一种真诚，没关系是一种风度。如果你付出了真诚，却得不到风度，那只能说明对方的无知与粗俗！
3. 如果你知道去哪﹐全世界都會為你讓路。
4.我喜欢你，很久了，等你，也很久了，现在，我要离开，比很久很久还要久......
5. 纯，属虚构。乱，是佳人。
6.一个人只有一个心脏，却有两个心房。一个住着快乐；一个住着悲伤。不要笑得太大声，不然会吵醒旁边的悲伤。
7.世界上最远的距离不是树与树的距离而是同根生长的树枝却无法在风中相依
8.苹果最光辉的一刻就是砸在牛顿头上！
9.爱情使人忘记时间，时间也使人忘记爱情。
10.分手就是不爱了，那些冠冕堂皇的理由，不是想让对方好过，而是想让自己好过点！
11. 生活累，一小半源于生存，一小半源于攀比。
12.不要让太多昨天占据你的今天！
13. 如果说美貌是推荐信，那么善良就是信用卡！
14. 不吃饭的女人这世上也许还有好几个，不吃醋的女人却连一个也没有。
15.失去的东西，其实从来未曾真正地属于你，也不必惋惜。
16. 无论多豪华的婚礼都不代表幸福婚姻，两个人终生相处和睦与否和筵开几席、多少首饰全无关联。
17.如花美眷，也敌不过似水流年
18. 广告就是告诉别人，钱还可以这么花
19.小三，除法中的余数而已
20.人生的大部分时间里，承诺同义词是束缚，奈何我们向往束缚。
21.力的作用是相互的，除了爱情的力量。
22. 许多人在重组自己的偏见时，还以为自己是在思考。
23.生活中有太多无可奈何的选择。社会就像江湖，总是让人身不由己，言不由衷。
24.我们都是远视眼，模糊了离我们最近的幸福。
25.原来那么爱我的你和那么爱你的我都停滞在曾经的时候,爱情就结束了.
26.你若先走了，转身时就不要怪我也在背对着你
27.只要你的脚还在地面上，就别把自己看得太轻；只要你还生活在地球上，就别把自己看得太大。
28. 如果你要考验我的耐心，请先把你的耐心准备好。
29. 每个人都是单数...来时是...去时也是.....
30.在我们的爱情里，我一直扮演爱你的角色，分手时别问我为什么分手，问问你自己。
31.人生---下课啦..放学啦..放假啦..毕业啦..混够啦..老啦..后悔啦..死啦...
32.不能在一起就不能在一起吧,其实一辈子也没那么长...
33.古时候就有外星人的记载，因为丈二和尚摸不着头脑
34.一个人身边的位置只有那麽多,你能给的也只有那麽多,在这个狭小的圈子里,有些人要进来,就有一些人不得不离开
35.很多人，因为寂寞而错爱了一人，但更多的人，因为错爱一人，而寂寞一生
36.你可知上天是不公平的你可以選擇愛我或者不愛我而我卻只能選擇愛你或者更愛你
37.人人都觉得永远会很远其实它可能短暂得你都看不见
38.妈妈说人最好不要错过两样东西,最后一班回家的车和一个深爱你的人。
38.时间仍在，是我们在飞逝。
39.我允许你走进我的世界,但不许你在我的世界里走来走去..
40. 我爱你时，你才那么闪耀，我不爱你时，你什么都不是

......

2010-06-28T13:27:00.000+08:00

I'm through accepting limits
''cause someone says they're so
Some things I cannot change
But till I try, I'll never know!
Too long I've been afraid of
Losing love I guess I've lost
Well, if that's love
It comes at much too high a cost!

100 post- btn..

2010-06-25T20:55:00.000+08:00

i had my graduation d..
well, nothing much la.. aiks..
just plain normal cert receiving ceremony..
then done..
to my own surprise..
no crying crying and all..
hahaha..
well, too bad..
then after rotting at home for one week after my finals..
i went for btn camp..
lots of fun things happened there..
and i got three name from my facilitator..
lol..
the name is tiffany (which is being used in LDK), melur and salbiah..
hahaha...
lol..
well, lets start with btn..
first day, reached there then pendaftaran and all.. then ceramah... then we got our physical test also..
second day 3 slots of ceramah which is my time to zzzz (you know what).. then morning also need to run 2km and i managed to finish it in 16.03 minutes...
and the impact is i walked like some funny people.. wee... kaki sakit la..
lol.. hmm..
second day night got our first LDK which means latihan dalam kumpulan..
em... nothing much also..
lol..
third day all LDK.. some written test, some stories, some lecture, some ghost stories..
went for abseiling also... it's fun to do that..
weee.. thought got flying fox...
mana tau..
tak da..
nvm.. tried before d also..
lol...
some activities which i was asked to walked alone in some dark area alone and sit down there for a while after listening the very interesting ghost stories from our faci..
then another guy also was asked to do the same while i was sitting there watching moon and searching for stars..
i was suppose to be scare and run back my class..
but well, hehe.. i didnt do anything..
so the faci come to me and point at some place and tell me, nampak tak ada tasik kat situ..
well, before this he already told us that we will go to the place near the pond..
but it is so dark till i cant see mana tasik tu...
so when he pointed to me, i asked him back, ada ke? nampak macam ada air la. tapi aku tak tau tu tasik ke apa..
hahahaha...
lol..
he said tak pe... balik kelas..
lol..
his purpose was to scare us..
especially when it is dark and we cant see things clearly, that is the time when our imagination runs wild..
and we will start to think about ghost and all as we got influenced by his stories..
haha..
but too bad la..
his mission failed..
lol..
then forth day we got kembara perlembagaan...
more talks about malaysia constitution and all..
hahaha..
lol..
went for the so called "kembara" which we end up at the beach building sandcastle...
like small kids but we had lots of fun..
and well, to be honest, this is the first time which i made a sandcastle and some shape come out...
wakakaka.. lol..
last time always failed ma..
then night we got pertandingan menyanyi lagu patriotik..
lol.
we lost..
haha..
nvm..
then after that we got another game called 'broken stone"..
then some singing and more talks..
then last day morning written test..
60 objectives in 1 hour 30 minutes..
then balik..
hahaha..
our faci tuan ainul is a fun guy..
and my group i would said is awesome..
group members include:
magtum
xiao ying (sarah)
hui tze (carol)
yi ming (kamal)
filzah
izzuddin
ameir
visa
anhar
kah wai
muzakir and
galmier..
hahaha...
all are awesome fellows which are so funny especially yi ming..
hahaha..
well, conclusion:
had fun..
learnt a lot about constitution..
got 3 new names..
and lots more..
aiks..
that's all la..
i know the post is messy...
cause i am just way too lazy yet i want to write down so that i will not forget about it..
btn boleh!!!

result ar...

2010-06-16T12:50:00.000+08:00

lol..
RESULT NOT OUT LA..
KENA CON...
lol..
aiks..
result will only be known on....
the day after tomorrow..
means on my graduation day lo...
wakao..
well, problem now..
i dunno wat to wear for my graduation..
smart..
let's dun go (i plan to)..
hahahaha..
i am JUST JOKING!!!
hopefully i can sort something out from time square or sg wang tomorrow..
aku tak nak spend a lot just for this grad..
hahah..
parents not going la..
i told them dun need...
dun want them to waste their time there..
lol..
somehow is just pre-u and nothing real important..
ok...
pray for my result...
=.=

lol..

2010-06-16T00:44:00.000+08:00

i love the feeling of a little hotness that swirling on my tongue..
i love the feeling of getting a little dizzy..
i love the feeling of feeling the warmth of my body..
i love the feeling of getting a little out of mind..
i love the feeling of need extra care in everything i do.
i just love it..
i love the taste..
i love the consequences that you have to bear after it..
i just love it..
well, another thing..
i officially hate holiday..
it is seems like from last time itself i dun like it..
cause it make me feel so bored at home..
lol..
but i have to bear with it till september..
but i dun want weptember to come so soon as well..
haiz..
human..
always not satisfy with what they have..
lol..
tomorrow have to settle all the stuff in banks..
lol..
hate it..
thursday will be free..
friday graduation..
ok..
i need a full box of tissue..
cause i am sure i will be crying like a baby..
then got lots of things to do as well..
need to choose subjects for my uni..
which i have zero clues about it..
need to do 2 medical check ups..
gosh..
need to apply for visa...
finals result will be out tomorrow..
wish me luck..

深。呼吸

2010-06-14T21:10:00.000+08:00

深深的呼吸，
大力的吸气再吐气，
好想就这样把全部的东西忘了。。
但我还是止不住眼泪。。
因为它已经在我呼吸之前。。
俏俏的流下。。

CPU.. farewell...

2010-06-12T00:47:00.001+08:00

cpu life will not be great if it is without you all..
all my lovely hsemates aka egg egg family...
all the scholars that is in our gang which is too much to list out one by one...
all the one from the crazy steady love green spammers...
all my economics class crazy frens and lecturer..
all my international business class frens and awesome lecturer..
all my calculus and vectors class funny frens that keep me awake all the time..
all the moral and malaysian studies frens that are funny and awesome and make every morning just way too good..
the breakfast gang that always hang out in mcd and oldtown..
all the english 4u class frens and the wise lecturer of my eng 3u and 4u, mr wise..
our cute tch, miss bell...
and every single one of you that is in my life..
you guys are awesome..
love all of you and...
sobs sobs..
i dun wan to leave...
but after this all of us will be seperated..
this one year is a awesome yet sometime shitty year for me..
but..
thanks..
that is all i can say and love you guys..
=)

i will not forget you all...

for the crazy steady and love green gang...

2010-06-12T00:39:00.000+08:00

although time with you all is just extremely short, which is just one sem..
but you guys all means alot for me...
i gonna miss you guys like hell man..
trust me..
i am so glad to have such a whole bunch of great friends like you all..
i already forget how we met each other on the first day..
how we talked to each other when we are still not that close..
all that doesnt matter anymore..
cause what i wont forget is all the sweet time with you guys..
the time we spent in english class..
the time we had our lunch together...
the time when we shout for the ice hockey match..
i might miss out a lot from you guys..
i didnt go for prom..
didnt go for miss greenie's bday..
yet...
haha..
i dunno wat to say..
seriously i appreciate you all so much..
for now and forever...
i am gonna miss you guys..
you guys just bring too much sweet memories for me...
i hate to say goodbye...
yet you all will not leave my heart forever...
i really dunno wat to say..
cause too much to express all of sudden..
just to wish you guys all the best in the future..
and do remember the crazy time all of us had together...

specially to:
michelle lim aka bee beez aka queen beez..
maggie lee aka maggie mee
alyssa aka miss greenie
john aka yip sifu
ivan aka mr blur?? hahaha.. i dunno..

from:
me aka beteng aka lion aka lioness...

taeyang+polar bear=??

2010-06-09T21:50:00.000+08:00

when i talk about taeyang, i go so crazy...
when i think of polar bear, i will also go so crazy..
imagine i got a polar bear that looks like taeyang..
or a taeyang that looks like polar bear..
hahaha..
i wonder what will happen..
i will go "AWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!"

never..

2010-06-09T21:41:00.000+08:00

never say i love you
if you really don't care
never talk about feelings
if they aren't really there
never hold my hand
if you are going to break my heart
never say you are going to
if you dont plan to start
never look into my eyes
if all you do is lie
never say hello
if you really mean goodbye
if you really mean forever
never say forever
cause forever makes me cry.

calculus....

2010-06-08T12:33:00.002+08:00

final paper tomorrow..
and is the all mighty calculus..
and i am so not in mood to study...
i am so going to die tomorrow..
T.T
how..
shit...

。。

2010-06-06T22:41:00.000+08:00

看过太多的变心。。

看到我都怕了。。

害怕自己是下一个。。。

feels...

2010-06-06T20:38:00.000+08:00

it's sunday night..
and i am having a real weird feeling..
the feeling of you are not belong to the place you are sitting now..
get it??
i dunno why..
maybe is because i am too use to be in my hostel at this time d..
trying to use music to cover up the feeling..
the feeling of you are home but you dun have the sense of belonging...
the feeling like you are not belong to here..
the feeling of loneliness...

-.-

2010-06-01T22:30:00.002+08:00

lol..
i dunno..
dun care...
watever..

emo..

2010-05-30T16:21:00.000+08:00

emotion kills...

lol..

2010-05-26T17:38:00.000+08:00

i am done with account test and calculus test..
me myself dunno that did i screw the paper or not..
gotta wait till the result come out...
i am not done with account presentation which is on tomorrow and also the payment for university residence..
okie.. i am worry now..
due date is on 28th may and today edy 26th..
need to complete the form and do payment online..
well, i am not sure do i need to pos any form or anything for them or not..
if i need. i can tell you..
i screw up...
i will need to sleep under the bridge d..
i am just way too lazy to do for the residence thingy..
i hate filling forms...
that some part i am not sure how to fill in and i got no one to refer to..
screw it..
lol..
celebrating housemate's birthday later..
and i am staying back just to get her the birthday...
lol..
surprise la konon..
lol..but that sacrifice my sleeping time..
sien...
nvm..
have to finish up account presentation slide tonight..
we are 0% ready for now..
good right?
lol..
the web in taylor is so cold.. (because i am sitting under the aircond)
i can feel my hand freezing..
lol..nvm..
too much of crap for this..
bla..

一个人的脸上有太多的笑，是因为心里有太多的痛，因为伤了，所以伪装

2010-05-23T16:12:00.000+08:00

总有一些人，他们看上去整天都很开心，嘻嘻哈哈的，没有烦恼，像个小孩，
他们会说玩是我最大的乐趣，我很喜欢玩，
我什么都会玩人多的时候他们脸上总挂着笑容，
好多人都会羡慕他们，
然而这其实是他们最悲哀的地方，
他们不想让别人看到自己难过的一面，
更没有能力一个人独处，
因为当夜深人静的时候，
他不知道一个人会发生什么事，
坐在窗前冥想走过的点滴

没有人读的懂他们，
想着想着貌似快乐的他们就会黯然流下一脸的悲伤，
然后自己对自己说：其实也没什么，命运吧！
所以他们就整天逼自己笑，
以此来逃避那些常人所不能不承受的痛苦！
他们貌似很坚强，因为在别人看来，他们什么事都能微笑着去面对，
但事实上他们长着世界上最脆弱的心灵，
只是长期的伪装使得别人很难发现他们内心深处的创伤。他们其实非常孤独，虽然看到他们时都是在跟一群人谈天说地，
那是因为他们实在不能承受一个人时的折磨！

他们只想简简单单、快快乐乐的活着，
期待并且相信每个人给的笑容都是真心的，
希望身边的人都是真正的喜欢自己。
即使别人小小的意见，也会另他们难过好久，
他们真的真的很介意，介意自己不被人喜欢。因为，他们总是为别人想的很多，对别人总是比对自己好；
把能对喜欢的人好当做幸福，喜欢别人比喜欢自己多。

他们总是那样，前一秒还伤心的流着泪，后一秒出现在朋友面前的时候，已经满脸溢着灿烂的笑容。
有人说他们是向日葵，
是的，他们在意的人就像是太阳，
在面对太阳的时候永远是明艳的花瓣，
而太阳照不到的背面，那悲伤藏得那么好，不愿被看见。

他们向往放纵自由的生活，
却必须为了谁很努力的朝另外的一个方向活着，
很累很累，却仍是心甘情愿。
离自己的梦境越来越来远，
不得不面对从未想过的争夺和复杂，恐慌、不知所措。只有面对最信赖的人时，才会卸下盔甲，委屈的流下眼泪。
因为在他们心里，笑就是开心，哭就是难过，接近就是喜欢，远离就是讨厌。
但其实不是，他们明白了，
心好伤，眼泪就没忍住。哭过之后，笑笑得擦干眼泪，说，没关系，我可以做的很好的。

他们好像无所不能，好像总是不会有烦恼，
好像什么问题都能轻而易举的解决，
总是喜欢喜欢出现在流泪的人面前，笑嘻嘻的逗着笑。
而面对自己的问题，他们却茫然无措，面对自己的悲伤，他们只会躲在人们看不见的角落里慢慢由伤口越裂越大。

他们的想法非常简单，说出来的就是心里所想的，
肚子里不会拐七道八道的小弯，
无心的话可能会引起别人的误解。所以，请别记恨他们，他们从不愿伤害谁，小小的错误就能让他们懊悔很久。
他们其实非常单纯，甚至你曾经给了他一个微笑他也会一辈子记得你的好，
因此他们的世界观其实也很简单，他们很容易受蛊惑，
请不要轻易的伤害他们的感情，
因为一旦伤害了，那就将永远弥补不回来！

emo..

2010-05-23T16:06:00.000+08:00

sometimes i am so tired of pretending..
pretending to be ok when i am not..
cant release the pain..
i cant imagine if things gonna be like that forever..
i just freak out when i think of it..
few more weeks to go..
but i cant see the things are going in the right way..
i am just tired of everything..
just wanna sleep and let everything be it that way...
i am so surprise by the seriousness of myself when i saying this..
serious.. i just wan to let go..
screw up all my stuff..
and just let it be..
but i know i cant..
i cant just let things be like this..
i worked so hard to get to today's place..
and i am just few miles away before i reach the first goal..
yet i am losing out energy..
how am i going to hold on??
watever. i am emo again..

headache.

2010-05-23T12:02:00.000+08:00

it seems like so much things happening and going to happen these days..
tuesday: account test
wednesday: calculus test
thursday: accounting isu presentation..
i am so stress up..
thinking of the fact that i dun have an account textbook and the "smart" library only allows two hours of loan really makes me scratch my head..
the oni method i could come up is to stay back till 9 tomorrow...
oh my good..
i dun like it..
lol..
fine..
nvm...
swt..
plus all the things that are happening..
i am really so stress..
really STRESS..
wat the heck..
i am not prepared for anything...
i need to make payment for my university's residence..
i need to study for my account..
i need to study for my calculus..
i need to finish up my calculus work..
i need to do my presentation slides for acc..
i need to finish up the report for my account..
oh my.. how am i gonna make things done in such a short time???
gila...

tears that keep falling..

2010-05-16T17:56:00.000+08:00

are tears a sign of weakness?
if yes.. i will say i am totally weak..
seeing you like that..
my tears are just unstoppable..
i feel so pain in my heart..
i see you change to become like that..
i am so scare..
so worry...
i am so so so sorry i cant be by your side when you need me..
but no matter where am i i am so worry about you..
please God..
let him cure..
all i want is just that..
i really dunno wat to do..
i am lost...
things happen too sudden..
and made me cant accept it..
i know i shouldn't cry...
i try to hide...
i try to hold back..
but when i see you like this...
my tears start rolling down..
please God..
make him healthy..
that is the oni thing i ask for now..
i will be fine..
i will be alright..
all i need is strength to continue..
i know i have plenty..
i have to be fine...
i cant be so weak..
that is wat i promise you..
God.. make him better....
please...

i really hope you are here..
i need a hug.. to tell me things gonna be alright.. T.T

golek...

2010-05-15T11:46:00.002+08:00

i practically jumped out from bed today morning..
thought i got something to do and i am already late..
lol..
after a few seconds of stoning...
i just golek back into my bed....

happy birthday to the little coconut..

2010-05-12T07:56:00.000+08:00

happy birthday to my little cuttie (nottie) at home...
it has been so long since i last seen you..
miss you so so much..
i hope for the best for you everyday...
i really love you...
=)
anyway, happy birthday...
stay cute and happy...
cant wait to see you... =)

(think of you make a smile on my face. love you..)

stress..

2010-05-11T19:52:00.001+08:00

sick... T.T
lol.. i took the medicine d..
and went for a sleep..
hoping that when i wake up i will feel better..
but i am wrong..
i woke up and find that the body still hot..
head still spinning..
and still feeling cold..
downloaded 2 video converters yet still having problem to convert the video for LAN studies..
i seriously feel like giving up for that..
it is too much for me..
where is the human that promise and say so loudly i will contribute more in the video..
the process of editing the video isn't seems as easy as that..
headache is killing..
and my presentation is tomorrow..
i dunno how to make it more interesting..
how to make it more fun..
how to answer tch questions..
why i got so much to worry in a sudden??
i wan a hug..
that cuddle me to bed..
and tell me all these will be fine after i wake up..
*wat the fuck is wrong with me??*
i am still in the reality..
facing presentation and video..
=.=
sien dou sei..
everyone got the university that they want d also..
and i still havent got mine..
first choice ubc..
no news..
second choice u of t..
also no news..
wakao..
sauder business school and rotman commerce..
please admit me..
lol..
i dun want to be hanging around and belong to no where..
have no sense of belonging now...
*even that sentence sounds weird*
T.T
stress ar..

em...

2010-05-11T06:03:00.000+08:00

to do a 40 slides presentation with all the background and all..
i use up the whole night..
time estimated 3 hours..
end up i use more than 6 hours..
my working efficiency is damn darn it low..
lol..
i thought i can finish the presentation..
and start editing the video..
the truth proof me wrong..
damn it..
i am too slow..
i oni manage to get the presentation done..
lol..
means i will have more work tomorrow..
lol..
calculus work piling up again..
i still got accounting isu to go..
for now... wat comes first first.
1) english isu presentation
2) malaysian studies video
3) accounting isu
4) calculus work..
anymore..
i think that's it..
lol..
how to minimize input and maximize output yea??
lol..
i really need a better engine..
lalalala..
so that i will not miss my sleep anymore..
pray hard everything goes well today..
oh yea..
i am doing presentation about child abuse..
and i myself is an abuser..
i abuse coffee..
weeee..
cant wait for my breakfast with frens later..
coffee..
yum yum..
hopefully it will keep me awake the whole day..
till 3.30..
i will miss my bed..
=)

done..

2010-05-10T09:27:00.001+08:00

i am done with it...
oh watever..
lol..
suck it up..
digest and shit it out..

路人。。

2010-05-09T22:39:00.000+08:00

我知道我只是你生命中的路人甲。。
没什么意义。。。

sou yuck..

2010-05-07T09:34:00.000+08:00

sou yuck..
it means you suck..
lol...
damn it...
wat the fuck la..
today suppose to be a good day but till now it doesnt seems great at all..
lol...
damn it..
something just spoilt my mood la..
though it is a small thing..
but i couldnt help it but angry with you..
lol..
i actuallly dont mind about it at all.
but is like..
lol..
too bad..
today my mood is not good..
which i have no idea why..
so just suck it..
you suck!!!!!

farewell.. miss bell.. we gonna miss you like mad... T.T

2010-05-03T21:09:00.000+08:00

i saw her post.. and i feel like crying d....

T.T

really...

she is leaving malaysia back to canada..

miss bell, fare thee well...

i seriously gonna miss you so much..

though it is just one month from the first day we met..

but your leaving tomorrow really makes me emo..

have a safe trip tomorrow...

T.T
miss bell...

you make the whole class fall in love with hamlet..

you make shakespeare boring literature easy and fun..

i am sure that the whole class gonna miss you like mad..

i pray for the best for your future undertakings..

after getting two sems of english with mr wise...

your appears is like a spark in life..

you are like a big sis..

that intrude into our life...

take care of us..

guide us thru..

you will be a really good teacher miss bell..

no worries..

all the students from period 5 gonna miss you and love you..

i mean it..

WE MISS YOU.. MISS BELL...

LOVE YEA...

TAKE CARE AND FORGET US NOT...

GOOD LUCK..

YOU ARE THE BEST...

do remember us, the students in TBS that you have taught for oni just one month..

i really feel like crying... big sis... rake care.. T.T

angel..

2010-05-01T11:21:00.001+08:00

Angel
I have a dream of you I can't defined
You've been on my mind
Don't go
I feel lost without you by my side
Lost and on my own
Yeah I'm falling for an angel

Angel
Your brightest star is shining next to mine
Every night and day
You know
Stars exploded then they fade away
Then they fade away
Yeah I'm falling for an angel
Yeah I'm falling for an angel

Would you please be my babe
Come by and I lay you down
I'm loving when you say I love you too

Won't you please be my honey
I'm sorry that I let you down
Your eyes are breaking my heart in two
Break my heart in two

Angel
May the one above us keep you safe
Every night and day
If he knows
How I love the smile all on your face
When you are here to stay

Yeah I'm falling for an angel
Yeah I'm falling for an angel

i go...

2010-05-01T11:20:00.000+08:00

So long, fare thee well
The dancer and the dancing days have taken leave and fell
So turn down this bed of stone
Quench me with the deadly nightshade from the rose that you belong

The long December rain is falling now

Running down on streets to nowhere

Music is my life youre my sweetest nightingale
But I cant hear it here no more

And I go
I go

Hush now, dont shake or break
Words have fallen silent like soldiers to the grave
No matter what they do or say
Lay me on the sleepy meadow by the tracks upon your face

刺猬。。

2010-04-26T23:22:00.002+08:00

最后一抹的微笑
在转身之后
我闭上眼哭了
仅存的一点点骄傲 
华丽的外表终于丢掉
很彷徨很孤单 是寂寞或悲惨
一个人该怎么办
像是刺猬般防范
伪装的勇敢
不轻易让你看穿
我以为可以很坦然
面对分开时不觉得伤感
然而将灯关上 一片无声黑暗 
心痛的大声呼喊
我想我没那么坚强
每个女孩其实一样
渴望着爱情的好 渴望被拥抱
却都害怕爱让人受伤
承认我没那么坚强 
不过是一而再的逞强
小心将情绪收藏 比傻瓜还傻
刺猬的坚强全都是假象 哭吧
像是刺猬般防范
伪装的勇敢
不轻易让你看穿
我以为可以很坦然
面对分开时不觉得伤感
然而将灯关上 一片无声黑暗
心痛的大声呼喊
我想我没那么坚强
每个女孩其实一样
渴望着爱情的好 渴望被拥抱
却都害怕爱让人受伤
承认我没那么坚强 
不过是一而再的逞强
小心将情绪收藏 比傻瓜还傻
刺猬的坚强全都是假象
我想我没那么坚强
每个女孩其实一样
渴望着爱情的好 渴望被拥抱
却都害怕爱让人受伤
承认我没那么坚强 
不过是一而再的逞强
小心将情绪收藏 比傻瓜还傻 
刺猬的坚强全都是假象 哭吧

sien..

2010-04-25T11:27:00.000+08:00

hmmm.....

sunday.....

work undone...

tonight...

die...

x.x

2010-04-24T18:47:00.002+08:00

I don’t know but
I think I maybe
Fallin’ for you
Dropping so quickly
Maybe I should
Keep this to myself
Waiting ’til I
Know you better
I am trying
Not to tell you
But I want to
I’m scared of what you’ll say
So I’m hiding what I’m feeling
But I’m tired of
Holding this inside my head
I’ve been spending all my time
Just thinking about ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’ve been waiting all my life
And now I found ya
I don’t know what to do
I think I’m fallin’ for you
I’m fallin’ for you
As I’m standing here
And you hold my hand
Pull me towards you
And we start to dance
All around us
I see nobody
Here in silence
It’s just you and me
I’m trying
Not to tell you

re-cent....

2010-04-16T21:36:00.000+08:00

friday friday..
it's friday again..
lol...its 9 plus now...
but i am tired.. and sleepy..
yet dun want to go to bed now..
well, wat to do... it is friday nite la.. lol...
hmm..
swt..
next week gonna be a busy week..
no no..
should start tomorrow..
calculus test..
english isu first draft..
malaysian studies quiz..
malaysian studies role play...
english hamlet role play...
meeting..
this and that..
lol..
having sore throat now...
haiz...
damn...
two weeks cant go back..
due to some reason..
lol..
dun like the food here..
i miss home..
T.T
yeee..
i am like a small gal.. hahaha.. lol.. watever..
damn broke now... swt....
no money d...
all spent on this and that...
haiz..
lol..
well, is just a lame update la...
it's always is...
blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa......
bed is calling me....
aiks....

lol..

2010-04-12T22:35:00.000+08:00

dirfilwy?

lol.. it's call the polar bear's code...
meaning behind it...
for me to know, for you to find out..

UPDATED!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-04-10T18:03:00.000+08:00

deleted one of the previous post..
cause it doesn't mean anything to me anymore...
lalalala....
swt...
too much food and too much sleep today...
lol..
i dun wan to get fat..
lol..
aiks aiks aiks..
i really dunno wat to update..
well, at least it is UPDATED now...

=.=

2010-04-07T16:42:00.000+08:00

The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star...

沒那麼簡單

2010-03-31T22:05:00.002+08:00

沒那麼簡單
就能找到聊得來的伴
尤其是在
看過了那麼多的背叛
總是不安
只好強悍
誰謀殺了我的浪漫

沒那麼簡單
就能去愛別的全不看
變的實際
也許好也許壞各一半
不愛孤單
一久也習慣
不用擔心誰也不用被誰管

感覺快樂就忙東忙西
感覺累了就放空自己
別人說的話
隨便聽一聽
自己做決定

不想擁有太多情緒
一杯紅酒配電影
在週末晚上關上了手機
舒服窩在沙發裡

相愛沒有那麼容易
每個人有他的脾氣
過了愛作夢的年紀
轟轟烈烈不如平靜
幸福沒有那麼容易
才會特別讓人著迷
什麼都不懂的年紀
曾經最掏心
所以最開心

曾經

when things went bad..

2010-03-25T14:29:00.000+08:00

things never go this bad before..
maybe it is my faults..
i am sorry..
well, i am too tired of explaining anymore...
if that is wat you want then just go ahead..
i value this friendship, but maybe you dun feel it..
you dun think so i do..
so..
i cant do much d..
shits happen..
alot alot..
damn..
words hurt.... like hell...
i try to keep quiet...
i know things were just as bad for you..
i try not to think..
but too bad i failed..
i try to keep things moderate..
as i dun wan you to hurt more...
i try not to screw things up more..
as i dun want the condition to be worse..
tears dun make any change...
i am sorry...
that is all i can say..
maybe a thousand times of it dun cure,
yet i still want to sincerely say sorry..
i make things hard for you..
you can just leave me alone and i will never blame you...
things will be better that way...
isnt it??
i know it will..
sorry.....

a polar bear's life...

tattoo again???

i love my room now...

i wanna cry.... lol..

fever...

the facebook diseases.

很伤心。

immature..

heh?

it's all about lip dub.. =)

Rant..

Black Madonna

=(

=。=

linkin park's concert..

我。。

economics saved my marriage..

shed a tear

Updates..

心寒

teeheee...

wedding dress..

好怕。

take care..

tomorrow...

失落

again and again...

弯腰拾起的尊严

人生没有过不去的坎

做个有“度”的女人

sad sad....

GOAL SET...

please please please please....

yaadiii yaadiii yaadaaa~~~

Sad..

Holiday night..

=.=

back~

iphone..

last post in malaysia

i believe i can fly~~~~ =.=

camera..

flight date.. =(

relationship..

harvey norman..

outings..

too free....

the ups and the downs...

timetable yg banyak tak balance..

=.=

let's share...

laziness..

emo+piss

plan failed~~

a bad habit of mine

timetable

starbuck

updates..

sleep...

跨过生命线

101..

......

100 post- btn..

result ar...

lol..

深。呼吸

CPU.. farewell...

for the crazy steady and love green gang...

taeyang+polar bear=??

never..

calculus....

。。

feels...

-.-

emo..

lol..

一个人的脸上有太多的笑 ，是因为心里有太多的痛， 因为伤了 ，所以伪装

emo..

headache.

tears that keep falling..

一个人的脸上有太多的笑，是因为心里有太多的痛，因为伤了，所以伪装

沒那麼簡單